36 Ridiculous Metaphors That We All Use or Maybe Not

9/05/2010 01:27:00 PM ·

"A metaphor is an analogy between two objects or ideas; the analogy is conveyed by the use of a metaphorical word in place of some other word."

Some are stupid, some are smart, and some are truly considered art. I humbly apologize for any unnecessary rhyming, PG profanity, and blatant silliness, but I needed a break. lol Enjoy!

1. He had summer teeth, some were there, and some were missing.
2. I am as high as a kite, like….What did I just say again?
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like E. coli, and he was room temperature hamburger meat.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. She was like an ocean, salty and full of sand in her underpants.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The hair on her arms looked like she had buckwheat in a headlock.
10. She fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with potato soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
16. He had Zactly breath, breath that smelled exactly like trash.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Foreplay is like lifting up your legs while your wife is vacuuming.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Chad. But unlike Chad, this plan just might work.
21. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
26. Whatever floats your boat, or sinks it.
27. Keep your sheets to the wind. (What does that even mean?)
28. She had kind hair, the kind of hair you find on a squirrels rear.
29. She had the type of gas that would stop a prison love triangle.
30. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
31. I dreamt I drank the biggest Margarita, when I woke up the toilet was filled with salt and missing the worm.
32. It disappeared as fast as a set of rims at a 50 Cent concert.
33. Sex is like an elevator, you can go up or down.
34. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
35. Her skin smelled of cocoa butter, like pan fried chicken.
36. Sorority Girls are like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow Sailors. (Cleaner Version)

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